Ich bin ein Berliner

Many Berlin souvenirs have images of bears on them. I spent a lot of time pondering about this. What’s with the bear?

What does a bear symbolise? Strength, community, family, bonds…woods?

Then, i thought, the bear is always pushing things on the ornaments? What does that mean? Is it an undeniable force, instinctive yet forced – balanced.

Finally, i gave up, and thought the bear appears to be smiling, so that’s good. Happy bears are nice. Almost as nice as dancing bears.*

I realised, you think the strangest things when you’ve time to breathe.

Time to think.

Time to be.

We’re just back from 2 nights away from the hubbub of daily life…The grind. Not the exciting Beyonce grindin’ on her board type – more the werk kind – the soggy, tired and mushy pulp left behind in the coffee machine once the black gold has been squelched out.

Now, that sounds all kinds of negative.

And i don’t mean it to be, ‘cause i kinda like routine, hell – when a spanner is thrown in the works of the everyday, i even crave it!

But, you know… it’s also sometimes brain numbingly as boring as what a bear does in the woods.

For a brief moment, 2 hours before we were due at the airport, i actually would have welcomed a slight** emergency, just so i’d have an excuse to stay at home.

It just seemed a hassle.

I had the fears.

Fears of missing the kids.

Me: “My babies – how will i survive without them”, says the full time, shift working Mam. In fairness, i didn’t say my anxieties were rational!

Fears they couldn’t sleep without me.

Me: “Dear god, no! What about the children? How will they cheerlead, play nintendo and build blocks whilst being sleep deprived.”

Fears of damaging them for life.

Millie/Ziggy/Danny: “Well, dear therapist…. I think i can pinpoint my life’s disappointments to when my Mam and Dad left me in the very capable hands of my loving aunt and family in January 2018.”

Ah now.

Have a word.

And i did, with myself.

Best conversation I’ve had in a long time – worst case scenario, they don’t sleep and are grumpy. They will survive.


Truth be told, i haven’t had unbroken night’s sleep in well over 2 years – between being pregnant and having inconvenient night wakings, to extended breastfeeding – i think i can write a book on how to function with fragmented sleep…

I Lie.

Until…. January 26th 2018… i woke up at 9.03am in a hotel room in The Circus Hotel in Rosenthaler Platz, having slept alllllllllllll night… and it was pure BLISS!

Oh, and i opened my eyes to a big, huge, delicious grin smiling back at me.

My partner in crime.

There you are. With not a wall of children between us.

I remember you.

I quite like you.

Berlin, yep, i thoroughly recommend.

Cheap, laid back and a once disconnected city now reconciling, thriving and welcoming.

Oh! And i finally realised. Bear- lin. Duh! ***

** Like, my neighbours cats tiny paw got stuck in the grate and only i could save it, or, the park warden was jammed inside his tractor/pope mobile thingy and, again, only i could save him.

** A teenchy, tiny bit of a lie. Here’s the truth, actually! http://www.centralberlin.de/blog/why-berlin-is-in-love-with-bears/


*** Dancing Bears are a THING. You’re welcome! https://youtu.be/8CnFo7qinng


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