Are you there Chardonnay? It’s me, Jennie…

Today i decided to excavate and scoop out that extra parenting reserve.

The other 5 percent of that ‘special something’ that apparently resides in all of us, dormant until we need it most.

After the week I’ve had. I needed a little sumthin’ sumthin’. Wine, quite frankly, wasn’t going to cut it…

It began on Monday. The freshly squeezed beginning of the week.

The week before midterm. One last week of early morning school runs and mayhem…. hurryay…

Except – like a swarm of zombie butterflies – cramps jabbed me in my stomach. I tried to ignore them – maybe i was just pre menstrual, i guessed.

I was wrong.

The vomiting bug made an unwelcome entrance in our house. Just as i was smattering butter on some toast.

It began with me in the kitchen dripping fat from a knife in hand, continued with Ziggy projectile vomiting in the yard at collection time, made its way to Millie mid meatball dinner, curveballed to Ste during the Walking Dead season premiere – and kept us in its wake for 2 days.

Except… thank god for small mercies, i rejoiced – Danny is illness free. I repeat illness free, i proudly thought. I may have started extolling the virtues of breastfed babies to a bemused Ziggy. It’s the magic milk ya see. It can cure cancer – haven’t ya heard? Sure of course it can fight a petty bug.

Turns out after my o.t.t posturing- Danny was struck down with the bug… Ziggy was plain confused.

During the height of my bout – I tried to feed Danny, without greeting my own breakfast for the second time that morning. I fed him natural yoghurt, oats and honey using my sense of touch and very loose spacial relations skills. Parking, to be honest, isn’t my forte – turns out neither is desperately trying to feed a toddler without looking at them.

Retrospectively, I’ve decided to look at the feeding fiasco two ways;

1. Danny got covered in yoghurt from his ears to his eyelashes, and is lucky to have the continued gift of sight. Your welcome, Babybear!

And

2. I gave Danny an unexpected homemade organic, edible facial – Yay!

Parent of the year goes to…. πŸŽ–πŸŽ–πŸŽ–πŸŽ–

Earlier today, i decided to take an hour to be on my own.

No talking, no vomiting, no bleaching floor tiles – just me, myself and i wandering the Superdrug isle for a supersoft toothbrush. My partner in crimes gums are as sensitive as his soul it turns out.

I picked up Millie on the way home and decided a mother and daughter lunch was long overdue. She appeared thirsty and giddy from cheerleading. I hugged her and drank in all of her Millie-ness; her passion, her youth and just like that, i felt her fizzy energy boost my tired body.

Which, speaking of bodies, i somehow also managed to retain all of it. Not an ounce was lost during the week of violent expulsions, dammit! This guaranteed weight loss, we can all agree, is the only silver lining of catching a stomach bug, no?

Regardless, I was relieved the week was coming to a close. If Amelie had the energy to do a double back flip on a Saturday morning – the world was in order.

Until i looked down at her head and saw a live, wriggling, juicy head lice.

I paused.

I took a deep breath.

Or maybe i stopped breathing momentarily.

I flung my head back. And laughed. Full-on belly gurgling laughter.

I took the lice from her head and clicked it between my fingers. Jennie 1 – Lice 0.

After the week I’ve had…. these little feckers don’t know who they’re messing with….

I stopped off for nit lotion.

And wine.

Wishing you a super weekend.

From us to you πŸ‘»πŸ‘ΏπŸ˜±

8 comments

  1. Aw Jennie stop the lights!! What a week you’ve had , but makes for a VERY funny read!
    You’re some woman for one woman!!πŸ’ͺ🏽πŸ’ͺπŸ½πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎ

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! Thanks πŸ˜†
      Do you know those weeks where you think… don’t lose your sense of humour here… it was one of those! Writing about it was very cathartic πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ and quickly remembered it could be worse!!!! πŸ˜„

      Like

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